Torn.

I've never been able to identify myself as an introvert or extrovert.
I always seem to find myself torn between introspection and wild adventure.

I can't decide which one I want and when I want it.

When I want to be introspective, I think:

"I must be missing out on something beautiful happening in the world."

and when I want to be a wild adventurer, I think:

"I could be learning and growing in some very important ways right now."

You might say:

"Why don't you just put the two together?"

If only my brain worked in the way where everything was one and I processed things easily and deeply while other things were happening and conversations were spinning and cars were driving and music was blaring and drinks were being passed around.

But it doesn't work like that and so I have to choose between the two and risk the idea of the other maybe never happening.
I don't want to miss out on life, but I don't want to miss out on myself.

As the new year approaches, I think I'm going to take a little time for both.
A little time to look back.
A little time to look forward.
And then a little time for the present, to wander and find something exciting to start the year with.