Responsibility.

Responsible.

I've always hated that word.
I can't pinpoint why.

By definition, responsible means to be:

answerable or accountable, as for something within one's own power, control or management.



When it comes to responsibility, my main tactic has always been ignorance.

Ignore the problem, and it will eventually go away.
Ignore it long enough and it will solve itself.

It makes me sick even admitting that, but it's the truth.

I'm realizing now that my ignorance has done damage.
Not only to others, but to myself.

Many times I find myself saying, "I just want them to take responsibility for their actions."
But what I really need is to be accountable for my own actions.

Everything within me is within my control.

I'm responsible for myself.
I'm responsible for how I treat others.
I'm responsible for taking care of me.
I'm responsible for my attitude.
I'm responsible for my motivation.
I'm responsible.

Avoidance doesn't solve any problem.
Even if it goes away, what have I done for myself?
What have I done for the person it affected?

While I am still bad at taking responsibility, I'm at least starting to realize the problem.
And I am starting to fix it.
It's hard. It will take time.
But I want to start making more decisions for my life.
I want to embrace responsibility and let it grow in my life in bigger ways.

I'm also learning that responsibility isn't a bad thing or a burden or a negative.
It's a step towards becoming more myself.
It's a step towards building better friendships and relationships.
It's a step towards achieving my goals.
It's a step towards being real.

It's actually a very freeing thing.

I think I'll give responsibility another chance.